


An Excavated Journal

by Chickeon



Category: Elder Scrolls, Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Dark, Epistolary, Gen, POV First Person, Starvation, Unhappy Ending, Whump
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-02
Updated: 2020-07-02
Packaged: 2021-03-05 00:21:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,719
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25025341
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chickeon/pseuds/Chickeon
Summary: Erthor gets himself trapped in Bleak Flats Cave due to overestimating his own abilities, but there's no Hero of Kvatch to save him.
Comments: 1
Kudos: 5





	An Excavated Journal

**Author's Note:**

> idea came to me while playing oblivion and doing the skingrad recommendation. erthor gives me major mad scientist that doesn't think through his actions vibes.
> 
> enjoy >:)

9th of Hearthfire, 3E432

Adrienne wouldn’t budge on letting me back into the Mages Guild, so to another week in this cave. Told her it wouldn’t happen again, but she didn’t reconsider. Guess I’m stuck here. I feel like if I ask her about it too often, I’ll irritate her, and if something goes wrong, I’ll be expelled from the Guild. As much as I love experimenting, I love the Guild and what it’s done for me more. 

What I don’t like are the stares people give me. Ever since the scamp incident, that’s all I’ve gotten from most people. It was my fault, I admit, but its been a year, no one died, I paid out of pocket for those who  _ did  _ get hurt, but people in the Guild still put scrolls up where I can’t reach them. The only people who don’t seem to hold it against me are Sulinus and the town eccentric. I can’t remember his name. Maybe he enjoyed the chaos. I know I did, until I had to pay damages. I don't remember a time where Adrienne was so pissed off! But then again, I understand why, and after she ripped into me, she told me to go somewhere "far away" to practice.

Bleak Flats is far enough, around a day’s walk, shorter with a horse. Tilmo helps me move everything I need to the cave without me going broke, and comes by every week to take me back to Skingrad. I wouldn’t have as much time to work without him, and to be honest, Orcs scare me. I’m sure Ugak is a nice woman, but I don’t want to find out if she’s not.

Today I will forage for any extra materials, perhaps some set-up for an experiment I have in mind. Might have to do this one outside. It needs direct moonlight to work.

I’ll see what happens and note the results. 

* * *

10th of Hearthfire, 3E432

I’m preparing my experiment. This serves as a part ~~two~~ ~~three~~ ~~two~~ I don’t know. I need a control, but I don’t know if I can use what notes I already have as the control, or if I have to do a control myself. Would a control be better when both the moons are in their quarter phases, or would it work better inside? Maybe I’m mistaken in my hypothesis. Does the moons’ affect on magic work how I’d think it’d work? I suppose it would correlate with the phase, but what if this is all for naught?

Oh well. More excuses to blow things up! If I can’t learn about the fundamental nature of magic, at least I can see how far I’ve come. It’s nice to see the progress I’ve made over the years, from when I first joined the Guild to now. Back then I’d shock myself more often than any target, and I’m embarrassed to admit that I still do. But then again, can you really call yourself proficient in Destruction if you’ve not hurt yourself by mistake at least once? I think not. 

Adrienne says I need to be more calm when casting, but can anyone blame me for getting excited? Manipulating Magicka to create an unignorable effect, its hard to keep my head! To Oblivion with “proper form!” Magicka is meant to be explored, probed, studied. If you keep doing the same methods over and over, when there could be a easier alternative right around the corner, you’ll stagnate. And we have such a tenuous grasp on how Magicka works! What if the strongest magic is connected to emotion? What if I’m wrong? Not knowing is killing me! I’ll have to test that now that I’ve rambled to myself about it, but now is not the time. I can barely keep track of one experiment; my data will get mixed up if I try doing two at once.

I don’t think I’ll ever get bored of zapping passing deer. Sadly there isn’t a spell to dress them, but I’m not afraid to get dirty. And no one can look at me weird for not eating “properly.” So many “proper” ways to do things, and so much disgust for “fun” ways of doing those same things. Adrienne would pass out seeing me eating directly from a deer. 

I should do that. That would be hilarious.

* * *

11th of Hearthfire, 3E432

Well, the results are in! I blew up a tree! A marked difference from the results of the new moon trials, which is good news for what I initially thought. Moon phases  _ do  _ affect the power of magicka, but I’m unsure as to if that’s exclusive to Destruction, or if it’s applicable to other schools. How would I test the others? By how easy it is to close wounds or charm someone? What could I use to measure Mysticism? I don’t know, but I’m going to find out… if I can find competent mages for each school. But could I trust them with the results? I’ll need more wizards. More people to falsify or screw up. More inaccuracies. 

Nevermind others, I’m doing it myself! I can’t trust anyone else to give me good results unless I shadow them, but that would require so much effort. I’ll learn a few basic spells in the other schools and test them out on the next new moon. Since I’m somewhat familiar with Conjuration, I’ll try that first. Perfect a spell and see what happens. I’ll figure out a way to measure it by then.

I hope no guards saw a tree explode. I’d rather not be questioned for suspicious activities again.

* * *

12th of Hearthfire, 3E432

I’ve been hard at work practicing my Conjuration. Times like this make me thankful I’m far away from the Guild. I don’t want to have a repeat of the scamp incident. Since I’ve already been scratched up by a few, if I was back there, it would happen again. I need better control over them, but that will come in time. I can only keep scamps here for a few seconds, but I’ve learned to not underestimate what damage they can cause. I don’t think anyone in Skingrad will underestimate them after what I did, nor will they shut up about it.

People never forget, no matter how much I want them to. I know the talk surrounding me, and it hurts to have people talk so carelessly about me. I don’t have any positive character traits anymore, its all “Erthor is reckless,” “Erthor almost killed someone by accident,” etc.. Always negative. No one cares enough to see anything else. Yes, I realise it was a big incident, but its been a year. Can we let it go and move onto more productive conversations? No one asks me about my research anymore.

I try convincing myself that what people think doesn’t matter but no matter what I try I feel bad for putting others down or inflating my ego.  ~~ If I was an Illusionist, I’d wipe everyone’s minds of it. ~~ That’s horrible. I can’t control others like that.  ~~ But if no one knows ~~ No. I’m better than that. I don’t need to magic my way into people’s good graces. I’ll have to work harder. Maybe when I discover something no one expects, then I’ll be loved again!

Sometimes I’m happy to be alone here. No one can tell me what I’m doing is dangerous. No one can stop me.

* * *

13th of Hearthfire, 3E432

I’ve made a terrible mistake.

I was practicing, and I decided to switch from scamps to zombies. I figured, “Well, since zombies have little in the ways of thought, I can control them easier.” And up to that point, I was correct. I summoned a few zombies, they obeyed the simple commands I gave them, but something went terribly wrong.

With any Conjuration spell, it brings creatures from Oblivion, and when a mage can’t sustain their existence on Nirn, they go back to Oblivion. In my excitement I forgot that elementary facet of the school. The zombies I summoned never returned to whatever plane of Oblivion I pulled them from. And when I realised that I was surrounded by several bodies, I was concerned, but thought nothing of it. They looked dead enough. I made sure they were.

They weren’t.

When I was getting ready for bed, I heard them. I heard them groaning, shuffling closer. Stupidly believing that, since I summoned them, I could still control them, I attempted, coming out of my room and commanding the nearest zombie, both verbally and mentally, to leave the cave, to return to Oblivion. That agitated it, and I bolted back in. 

I’ve barricaded the open entrance. Thank the Nine I can close the door on the other. They can’t get me in here, but when will they leave? I don’t know, but I can survive this. Someone from the Guild will come to get me, someone brave enough to deal with these things.

I can’t fight all these zombies myself, not even with my skill. And I’m scared to. I’m afraid of what would happen if I got injured, what diseases they’d give me, what would happen if they surrounded me.

I don’t think I’ll be able to sleep tonight. I’ll read until I pass out, or at least when my nerves are stable enough to permit sleep.

* * *

14th of Hearthfire, 3E432

They’re still here. I don’t know how many of them are out there, and I can’t see them, but I can hear them. 

Tilmo will be coming to pick me up in two days. I’ve given him permission to come in the cave and wake me up if he doesn’t see me outside. While that was meant to make sure I didn't oversleep and leave him waiting, he’s bound to come in the cave and look for me! And, on seeing the zombies, will go back to Skingrad and tell people that I’m trapped. I just have to wait.

I’ve learned my lesson. Be more careful with conjuring. I should look for a mentor, or at least a few books on the subject. Maybe I really am reckless, since if Tilmo didn’t come by, I’d be either dead or close to it when someone remembers where I am and decides to look.

~~ Maybe no one would look for me. ~~ Just because people like to gossip about me, doesn’t mean they’d leave me to die. And I know Tilmo will investigate. 

Anyways, I’m looking for ways to get rid of the zombies. I’m thinking of blowing them up.

* * *

15th of Hearthfire, 3E432

I may be able to escape!

I took down my barricade and waited for a zombie to come by. I didn’t want to get close to any of them, so I devised a rune that, when stepped on, will explode, hopefully incapacitating the zombie, and in the best case scenario, destroying it completely!

I’ve set up another rune farther away. If the zombies left the room it goes into, I’d put one in front of my secret door. No matter the circumstances, I always find a way out. Whether the cost be humiliation, almost going broke, or being scared: I still live another day! I have luck on my side, and tomorrow, I’ll either get myself out of this cave, or Tilmo will send someone to save me.

The rune I set up just exploded! Maybe I can bait them and

_ [The sentence ends prematurely. The lines below start a few inches down from the interrupted sentence.] _

The cave. The other entrance. It’s gone. The explosion caused the tunnel to collapse.

It’s still okay! I have the secret entrance. I can use it to leave. I’m not trapped.

When Tilmo comes around I’ll use that to leave. I’m not going to die. I’m only shaken up by seeing the ceiling give out. I need to steady myself. I can’t think well all panicked like this. It’s okay. I’m going to be okay.

* * *

16th of Hearthfire, 3E432

I barely slept last night. I’ve been up I don’t know how long. I don’t know what time it is, but I know Tilmo’s coming. He’ll be here any minute and I’ll be free. I’ve cracked the door enough for me to see over. There’s still zombies, but after being isolated in this cave, I’m dying to see anyone, even if for a second.

This will all be a bad memory in a few weeks. And then I can laugh at myself for getting myself in this mess. And I’ll never hear the end of it, but I’ll be happy to be gossiped about when I return. I could’ve died alone! I’ll never be upset with any attention ever again.

I’ll write when I get back in the guildhall. I can hear Tilmo coming. I’ll be out of h

[The sentence cuts off abruptly. The rest of the page is blank.]

* * *

17th of Hearthfire, 3E432

I’ve not slept. I’ve not slept at all since yesterday. I don’t know if I can sleep without seeing it again. I don’t know if anyone else will come to find me.

Tilmo is dead. The zombies ate him alive. I was safe since I had the lever not pulled down all the way. He saw me. He saw me and I did nothing. Too scared to move, to do anything but stand there. I could’ve saved him but I didn’t. I can’t get his screaming out of my head. He was screaming for me and I did nothing.

I’m so stupid. I thought yesterday I’d be getting out, and didn’t care to ration. Here I am, running out of food because I was stupid. I’m trapped.

I’m going to die in here, aren’t I?

_ [The page is tear-stained. The ink in some places is smudged.] _

* * *

18th of Hearthfire, 3E432

I’ve run out of food. I still have water, but not enough to last me more than a few days without cutting down.

I can hear the zombies moaning outside my secret door. Think they know I’m in here. They know I’m in here and I’m too scared to fight them.

Maybe this was part of the plan all along. Maybe Adrienne sent me out here for that reason.

No. She wouldn’t do that. That’s crazy. No one hates me so much they want me dead, do they? Now I’ll never know. 

Maybe this is some kind of test? Or a dream? A test in a dream? 

The question now is: how do I wake up?

* * *

19th of Hearthfire, 3E432

I’ve run out of water.

I got so hungry I ate some mushrooms I found. Bad idea. My room smells like vomit and shit, and whatever was in my stomach, if there was anything, is gone now. 

The cave is colder than usual. Maybe that’s me. Don’t know.

I’m sorry I couldn’t save you Tilmo.

I hear something outside. Damn zombies.

I need to go to bed. 

* * *

20th of Hearthfire, 3E432

It’s hard to sleep when my heart is keeping me awake. Always beating so fast too fast to sleep with.

The zombies are taunting me. I don’t know if they can talk or if I’m going mad but they’re taunting me.

I can hear them outside my door. They’re chanting his name over and over and over and over.

No one forgets no one forgets what I do. They know I let him die they’ll never let me forget it.

It’s so cold.

* * *

21 Hearthfire, 3E432

Its hard to sit up. Head spins and hurts and makes me lay back unless I force myself up and stay up for awhile.

Can barely cast anything. Little sparks at best.

They left me to die in here.

The zombies are getting louder. I can hear them crying. 

I’m so tired I’m going to sleep.

* * *

22 3E432

Trying to sleep and leg won’t stop shaking.

In and out of awakeness. 

Tilmo taunts me.

He watches me sleep and he cries why didn’t you save me and I’m too weak to say anything.

The zombies got in my room. The door is closed but they’re here. They taunt me. They’ll eat me if I sleep. 

Sometimes I see Adrienne. She taunts me too.

She’s taunting me as I write.

_ [The rest of the pages are blank.] _


End file.
